My First Poem I’m Sharing
I started writing poems in my notes app. It was a way of getting out my feelings, in a somewhat rhythmic way.
I started in 2022 and within 3 years I’d somehow written about 300 poems. None of them perfect, some of them long, some of them short, some of them angry, most of them sad.
It has been my dream for a while to publish these poems as part of a book, with drawings I’ve done alongside them.
Although, that all seems far too scary and vulnerable, so sharing them on here – whilst still terrifying – seems like a step to that dream. Maybe…
I was struggling to decide which poem to share, but the poem below was a turning point in my life.
I had been unwell for quite some time and I constantly craved to be alone. People were too much. This poem was written when I was alone and I realised that perhaps solitude isn’t all that great.
It was a poem of acceptance and gave me a lot of comfort. So here goes… my first poem I’m sharing with the world.
Home Alone
It was fun at the start
Always excited for the days we were apart,
But now I am just wondering about this empty house
Thinking why I am still alone and so full of doubts.
I wished that I was better
I wished that I was more
I wished I’d never gotten sick
I wished I’d ended it before.
But alone and alone I stayed
Slowly getting more and more afraid
I never wanted to leave
I was sat there full of grief.
Why did they all leave?
Why was I not believed?
Why did they stay so quiet?
I’m an unfollowed account, completely on private.
Dark days behind
Dark days ahead
Dark day today
But God keeps looking my way.
I always felt this flaming flicker
But something turned it into to a sharp knifed dagger
Tried to put it out after the 2015 Fire
Flaming hope and a flaming desire.
Now it’s all different
Something has changed
Grandma and her colours have gone far beyond
My colourful butterfly has flown off and gone.
10 years in
No friends phoning
Empty empty
God has got me.
Wrapped in a cocoon
Again and again
This time there is no one to pull me out and wreck my wings
Slowly and alone, with no doctor I will break.
Break and break
Only for God’s sake
He takes and takes
Until I’m awake.
Now…
I’m thankful to be off track
I’m thankful to not be like that
I’m thankful it all happened
I’m thankful for my broken back.
It is what I needed
It is what was decreed
It is what has been written
As has been the ease.
The path has not been easy
I have trodden it alone
No attachment to this life
Feeling like I might just trip off and die.
But I am still here
And now I am free
Free to feel the breeze
Free to do as I please.
No expectations in this cuckoo nest
Finally feeling grateful for having been put to the test
Still so loud, still such fear
Never alone though when I cry my tears.
Always always always I thought it was just me
Not a friend in the world who has given consistency.
Loneliness is the biggest killer
It killed all my dreams
Making sure I knew that true joy is not what it seems
Loneliness killed all my links to any attachments
Then He filled in the gaps with beautiful selections
Stripped me down naked and bare
Stripped my life until nothing was fair
Stripped again, again, again and again
This time with the bones within.
I couldn’t see or feel or touch
Trapped in a room with no need for any stuff
No one to talk to
No one to hear
Blocked Avenues and burned Bridges
A poisonous Farm and a Wood on fire
Left only One thing for me to desire.
Cried and cried as they called me a liar
I went back in time only to untie her…
Listen Sumi
Listen to me
You’re as free as free can be
Grounded to a cloud
With no need to make others proud
Be grateful that you’re alone
You’ll find your way back home
Float above and float away
Swim from the shore and find so much more
Alone alone, the loneliness will stay
Forever and ever I hope
Until we find our way.
Thank you for reading. x